The Elite Eight and The Weak Weekend

I know it’s been a few days, but did you know this past weekend was the Elite Eight? Gonzaga lost. Duke lost. I watched both things happen. As in, my eyes were on TV sets in public.

Saturday was a huge bust. You know how I live in LA? Well, it was so beautiful out, literally a collective fifteen people were watching sports at the three bars I tried going to with my friend Kerri.

 First I tried Bludso’s. I should have been wary since it was on the same LA Eater list that recommended a gay bar to me. A gay bar with nachos that I’m still thinking about, and not just because I’m on my second day of a juice cleanse, but a gay bar, no less. Well, this wasn’t a gay bar, but it was a barbecue joint with a lot of families. Kerri and I downed a glass of wine each and left.

 We then went to Goal, as in, the place where my journey started. You know things are bad when Kevin “E from Entourage” Connelly is sitting at the bar he co-owns and you still leave. 

 Long story short, we ended up at 3rd Stop, where I ran into my friend Phoebe (except this was her drink-a-beer-and-read-scripts-chill-bar, so, great sign), the table next to us had a median age of maybe twenty-two, if not, fourteen with excellent fake ID’s, and the menu has gluten free pizza on it and really shouldn’t.  Also the four people who were watching got really loud when Gonzaga lost.

 Fortunately for me, Kerri was free the following day and really wanted to watch the Duke game. Even better, our friend Allie was also free and they wanted to to Barney’s Beanery. TWO LADIES!!! Who knew that going to sports bars could be so social?!

I think my mom told me once that she had read somewhere that the best way to meet guys at a bar is with two women, except where the fuck would she have gotten that information, and maybe it wasn’t my mom who told me that.

 I got there first - around halftime - and spotted a very attractive man eating a hamburger at the bar by himself, but there was nowhere for me to organically scooch in and ask him my brilliant opener about what condiments he liked on his burger, so I did another loop.

I  ended up sitting down in a booth next to bunch guys watching the Michigan State vs. Duke game pretty intensely. Kerri arrived and immediately called me out for sitting in the absolutely shittiest place to actually watch a game.

 “But Kerri,” I said. “I am watching the game.” I gestured outwards to all of the men the entire bar. 

Then, you guessed it: Ricardo was there! He saw me. I saw him. I got up immediately. We hugged like we hadn’t seen each other in months, but really, it had been three days. He assured us he’d be on the look out.

Now that Ricardo is officially a recurring character, should I invite him to write a post?! Sound off in the comments I haven’t activated because I’m scared of trolls.

Genuine question, fellas: is it, like, appealing, when a woman is a regular at a sports bar and hugs Ricardo? I ask as I’ve been to Barney’s twice in three days, which is basically being a regular, and I saw that brunch menu. Also because the guys next to us noticed.

Quick side note: Allie joined us, her eye make up was phenomenal, and we were in the same outfit down to the sneakers. As someone who deliberately wears the same thing as my sister, I do not get self conscious. Instead, I took it as a sign that I’m on the pulse for my sports bar aesthetic. I totally would have worn that super flattering white t-shirt again, but, full disclosure, I wore it on Saturday for the second day in a row and Kerri would have noticed. Also I walked a whole mile home that day and was wearing dumb natural deodorant so it did not smell great.

Anyway, these Hug Watchers behind us was very vocal about Michigan State. Turns out: we had a table of alumni! When things weren’t insanely intense (so, like, during commercials), Kerri could charm them into talking to us. Here’s what I’ve got: they went to Michigan State. They live in LA. They’re Jewish. Two of them were brothers. They did not like talking to people during their game.

We took turns engaging the Michigan State group (or, what I consider, giving them a break from us), and, what I’d like to describe as a table of older LA mans’ men who were ready to mansplain what a deliberate foul was, but in a chill way. Here’s a twist: one of them went to Duke and was rooting for Michigan State!

 I have a span of 30 years, two colleges, but one team’s fans to dissect here. I need WAY more of a body of research to jump to any conclusions. I guess I just have to drink in sports bars all the time.

Before the older guys could explain a deliberate foul, Duke was out, everyone lost their minds, and I texted my entire family, overcome with adrenaline.

Kerri ordered shots for us all and made a toast.

Now, I need to be honest. I got very drunk, so I’d like to include for you the notes I took in my iphone:

Your guess is truly as good as mine..

We have two more games left in the March Madness season before I move on to pro ball. I have some excellent ladies - plural! - committed to Saturday and Monday’s games. I will actually get a blow out for the final. I will actually take pictures, and notes.

I’m really struggling meeting age appropriate guys. Definitely stay tuned next weekend when I go to a retirement home on Saturday and a Middle School on Monday!